'I'm worried my husband will leave me for a younger, slimmer French woman'
Columnist Cynthia Spillman advises a reader struggling with insecurity
Admiring other people doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over
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I am a morbidly obese woman of 58. I feel as if I am surrounded by extremely attractive, younger French women who are all slim. I feel deeply ashamed for having let myself get like this. I am insecure and terrified that my husband is going to leave me for a younger, slimmer woman. No matter how much I try, I am consumed by this fear 24/7. I am certain he looks at other women and compares me to them. My obsession is causing me to be really antagonistic towards my husband. We have been married for 35 years and I am convinced he’s sick of me now. Can you advise? ST
I understand that your fears feel real. Your self-esteem and confidence are very low.
You do not provide any concrete evidence that your husband is about to leave you.
I think men and women like to admire members of the opposite sex, if we are all entirely honest about it. It’s a bit like looking at a beautiful work of art. This does not mean that we are about to throw in the towel on our long-term relationships and run off with the first person we see.
Read more: Are these common stereotypes about the French true?
We all age – if we are lucky enough to be afforded that privilege, which many are denied. Could you speak to your husband about your feelings and fears? You have been together for many years and have built solid foundations. You can be certain that your husband will have noticed your antagonism, but he may be confounded as to why you are behaving like this.
If you can’t tell him face-to-face, then why not put it in an email or letter to him? Often, putting our feelings down on paper takes the sting out of them and puts things in perspective.
It is never too late to get back in shape. If you take little steps towards this goal, then you will start to like yourself more and your confidence will increase. I am sure your husband loves you not just for your looks, but for the person you are. Please tell him what is going on. Don’t let these anxieties poison your relationship.
Do you have a problem associated with living in France that is causing upset or worry? Our advice column can help. Write to: askcynth@connexionfrance.com.
Any letters selected for publication will be anonymised. Cynthia will endeavour to reply to all emails.
