'Our French neighbours never invite us over to their house'
Columnist Cynthia Spillman offers some advice on returning hospitality
There could be many reasons why your neighbours have not asked you to drop in
Caftor/Shutterstock
Dear Cynth,
Our French neighbours have never invited us into their house, even though we have lived here for 15 years and always got on very cordially.
We often chat at their gate – but I wish they would ask us in for coffee. Is this normal French behaviour?
We have invited them on a couple of occasions, which they accepted and it seemed to go fine.
V.J.
I do not believe there is such a phenomenon as “normal French behaviour.” I find generalisations to be unhelpful. People are people wherever they live and we all have similarities and differences.
While, of course, there are cultural issues that are not the same, we are all human.
You say you get on very cordially with your neighbours, which is a bonus. They are obviously not “blanking” you as they have accepted invitations from you and all went well.
It does not sound as if they are being hostile. Perhaps their expectations are different to yours.
Read more: Help! We are surrounded by English people in France
Do they work long hours? Have they got a large extended family who keep them busy? Are they carers for elderly parents? It is so easy to compare our insides with other people’s outsides. This means we have a perception of what we are really like, but we judge others on how they present themselves. And sometimes this gives us the wrong impression.
Get advice from Cynth
Do you have a problem associated with living in France that is causing upset or worry?
Our advice column can help. Write to: askcynth@connexionfrance.com.
Any letters selected for publication will be anonymised. Cynthia will endeavour to reply to all emails.
You could invite your neighbours for dinner or apéritifs. I like the “three strikes and you’re out” rules. You invite them three times and if they do not invite you back, then you focus your attention on others who do want to socialise with you.
As you have been living in France for 15 years, I assume you know lots of people. We never know what is truly going on behind closed doors and in other people’s lives. This does not mean you are the problem. There could be a myriad of reasons why they are not returning your hospitality.
At the end of the day, I am certain that there are lots of other people who do want to socialise with you. I would focus on exploring opportunities to enhance your social life elsewhere.
