Comment: How caring for my cats taught me neighbourly etiquette in France
Columnist Samantha David discovers the delicate balance of gratitude and friendship when asking for help from neighbours
Asking people to care for your pets can feel like a test of your relationship with them
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Finding someone to feed the cats can be a bit tricky. I don't like to feel I am imposing on strangers, and yet asking people I know well but who live a 20-minute drive away just seems plain mad.
But I work away from home quite often, and ticket prices for trains and planes are always at their best in the spring, so it has to be done.
I used to pay the teenage daughter of the people round the back to do it, but last time she let my wisteria die - which takes some doing - and then killed the cranberries and left the animals with dry water bowls during a heatwave.
So I had to find someone less involved in their social life, and more interested in gardening.
My French neighbours were most kind about it when I broached the subject. They said they did not mind at all.
They were quite happy to feed the sheep and water the plants as well, and as it turned out even ended up taking delivery of a parcel.
Needless to say, I bought them some posh chocolates as a little thank-you gift, and they said I need not have bothered. We were all very pleased with each other.
So a few weeks later, when I had to go to Paris, I asked again and they said it would be fine, which it was.
When I came back the animals were all looking very fat and happy and the chrysanthemums had grown like fun.
But when I tried to give them a basket of cherries from the garden, they were quite severe. I should not have to give them anything, they said. As neighbours, they were happy to help out.
Oh dear. I had clearly offended them, and leaving aside the watering thing, they are nice people.
So I wrote them a little note explaining that it was an English custom to express gratitude with a small token.
It was not a payment, but a gesture of friendship and I was sorry to have been maladroit.
Back came another note. This was completely understood, and I had not been maladroit. The custom was the same in France, but they wished me to understand that I was not obliged to buy them any gifts.
Read more: Five things you may not know... about pets in France
It was a very subtle dilemma, and I did not know what to do. Would pursuing the topic offend them?
Should I just continue giving them little gifts in return for feeding the cats, or should I just shut up? I solved the problem by saying they could help themselves to the cherries in the garden.
They never did, and I wasn't sure that I had completely smoothed over the cracks. So in the end I invited them for apéros with really substantial snacks.
It went down really well. In between discussing the merits of cheese and saucisson sec, all cat-feeding etiquette questions were abandoned because it turns out we all adore Jacques Tati.
When in doubt, get the apéros out!
